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Hear ye! Hear ye! : FAKE LAKE BOTTOM FEEDER EVERY TUESDAY

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Local Legend Adrian Norvid storms back into the publishing world with another insane grabbag of lurid puns and greasy drawings. No longer constrained by the hoity-toity aht world, Adrian dabbles (dribbles) in the grandest of traditions—the small town weekly newspaper. Every page is prurient and bile-filled and self-serving just like a real paper but instead of fuzzy black and white photos of prize-winning heifers Adrian crams the margins with the most hilarious and grossest of lumpy brush drawings. You need to see it to believe it.

SINKHOLE PLUGGED: The Giant Sinkhole that appeared last week in the middle of Main Street and swallowed the entire Fake Lake junior high marching band was finally plugged on Friday. The band remain in the hole and despite the plug can still be heard practicing. Authorities are promising to dump a load of insulation down the hole to dampen the noise.

THE MAYORWITHAL Mayor Dundoing did nothing today with consummate flourish and was applauded roundly by City Council after which everyone went for a slap-up lunch at the Curmudgeon’s Club and got sodden with drink and had to sleep it off in chambers.

CARBONATION MISCALCULATION 1500 bottles of Fakeola exploded in the bottling plant Wednesday resulting in grievous injury to workers and a bloody great hole in the plant. Officials blamed the accident on an excess of gas. Workers said that the batch had just “gone off” and that it “stunk to high heaven” and that “we told them it was gonna blow.”

NONE MAY DETRACT FROM OUR ATTRACTIONS, NOR PISS ON OUR VISTAS